Have you ever agreed to something and then wondered why you made such a choice? Have you ever seriously doubted your ability to make logical, reasonable decisions? I am dealing with such a delima this week.
One of the benefits of working on a college campus as I do is that I get the 411 on really cool athletic opportunities. I have played in charity golf tournaments, frisbee disc golf outings, and a couple of killer raquetball matches. This week began the season of intramural basketball. The Faculty/Staff team was looking for players and so naturally, because I enjoy the roundball action, I volunteered. The season is short. The games are early. No sweat.
WRONG!
During the first half of our first game Tuesday night I realized what a huge mess I may have gotten myself into. Here are just a few of the challenges that became crystal clear...
1. I am old
2. The court is very very long. I don't remember full courts being this long. It's like a mile. Maybe two.
3. The people I am playing are 19. They are young and vibrant and really like to run up and down the court. Some of them are also rugby players. Tonight I was fouled twice...both times falling on the floor into a crumpled, mangled pile of Paul. I have a large bruise on my left thigh and what Robin says is a "hot" bruise/handprint on my right forearm. That foul came from a rugby player as I was gunning up a 3-point shot. I made a long 3-pointer the prior trip down the court so I guess the dude was going to make sure I didn't make it that trip.
4. The floor is much harder than I remember. It doesn't really give much at all. They really should make softer basketball courts.
5. Did I mention that I am old
Our team is now 0 and 2. We are slow starting but always seem to get close in the 2nd half. I am going to take a nice long soak in our jacuzzi tonight and then put some ice on the bruises and see if I can actually walk tomorrow. We could use a few more players on the bench if anyone is interested. Even if you are old too.
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Paulie..Sorry to hear about the reality check you were slammed with on the court. There are two seperate words that come to mind...and if you put those two words together, they become very effective in an "old rivaling the young" scenario. First word is: Clothes...now alone...this word doesn't mean much. One may think of their favorite jeans, or their most comfy, broken-in t-shirt....or just your basic "non-nakedness" images. Now, the second word is: line....now alone....this word doesn't mean much either. One may think of "standing in line" or "Sir, can you walk this straight line?".... something along those "lines." ha-ha. So, let's put those two words together. Clothes + Line = "Clothesline". Clotheslining an opponet is not only effective but it makes you feel a whole-lot better, as well. To properly execute the "clothesline" technique one must implement seven vital rules of engagement. Number one. Identify your target. Number two. Estimate the velocity and direction of target. Number three. Adjust your direction and velocity to equal or surpass your target. Number four. As you approach target, center your core and prepare for impact ~~this would be a good time to take a deep breath. Number five. As target enters your personal space, begin to raise appropriate arm ~~your left or right arm; not his....This isn't a square dance~~. Number six. Once your selected arm is at optimum elevation, brace yourself and lean into the point of contact ~~preferably the neck or head~~. This is the perfect time to simultaneously release the breath you took in seconds before and also, liberate a barbaric roar that would exceed your own manly expectiations. ~~target will be sniveling and on the floor~~ It will be at this moment you will feel the jubilation beyond explanation. Number seven. Spit on the floor ~~or something manly like that~~ turn to walk away and as you do, turn back and yell "THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASKETBALL!" Your "maturty" has elevated you to a level that can not be challenged because....."YOU'RE THE MAN!"
While Fudge's advice is good, it may get you ejected from the game, which isn't all bad either.
Here's a little trick I learned in college intramural round ball. If you can't challenge the guy your going against vertically to block the ball; when he pulls up for a jump shot, just go "low" and tap the knees or thighs of the guy, just enough so he knows you're there. Very few things will disorient a guy shooting a basketball like this. You can even "cover" it like your not going to try to block and walk away tapping him on the way. Try it next game, I think you'll find that you like it.
Another option is the split team option with 5 guys on defense and 5 guys on offense, then you don't have to run the mile back and forth, just the half mile to midcourt. Hey, it works for football.
Another option along the lines of Fudge and Rambo, they drew first blood, now make them pay.
I'm not a novel writer. Just go for the crotch. Of course!
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